I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
