Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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