I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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