It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
