pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
