Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
