Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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