You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
