I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
