Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
