Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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