so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
