Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
