He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
