He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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