dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
