And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
