Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
