You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
