I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you didnt know i had herpes?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
