pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
