batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
