Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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