Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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