I'm pants shitting drunk right now
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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