It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
