I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I touched a dick in church today
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
