remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
