My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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