i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
