After last night, I could never be a politician.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
