So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
