so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
