You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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