drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
