Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
