I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
that is very illegal...i love you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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