I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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