I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
