I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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