Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
