I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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