His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
