A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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