I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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