Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
