I'm eating all of the evidence.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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