just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
