I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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