The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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