When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
