Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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