I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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