I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
