the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
