You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
