Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize