Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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