so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
