awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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