I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
