So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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