with your own penis?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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