dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
