Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
