i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
